XIX- Ping Pong Ball

A Ping Pong ball filled with Tungsten would weigh approximately 1.42 lbs. This is going to be the least, and yet most important thing you will hear all day. Also, while this is not the heaviest element on earth, it is just slightly lighter then uranium (more on uranium later). The last few weeks I have become somewhat obsessed with the the density of things...

Gravity
Gravity is an important force, bro. You may remember from your high school math or science class that everything has a terminal velocity. This concept is 99% of the time thought of something falling through air, a gas. Or more specifically, a mixture of gases. If you threw a pillow, a dart, and yourself out of an airplane, you would reach the earth at different times. With different consequences. The maximum speed you would reach from gravity alone (as opposed to being shot out of a canon, towards the ground) is your terminal velocity. Or, more eloquently put:

"A free-falling object achieves its terminal velocity when the downward force of gravity (F_g) equals the upward force of drag (F_d). This causes the net force on the object to be zero, resulting in an acceleration of zero.^[1]"-

"Higher speeds can be attained if the skydiver pulls in his or her limbs (see also freeflying). In this case, the terminal velocity increases to about 320 km/h (200 mph or 90 m/s),^[2] which is almost the terminal velocity of the Peregrine Falcon diving down on its prey.; The same terminal velocity is reached for a typical .30-06 bullet travelling in the downward vertical direction — when it is returning to earth having been fired upwards, or perhaps just dropped from a tower — according to a 1920 U.S. Army Ordnance study.^[3]"

"The reason an object reaches a terminal velocity is that the drag force resisting motion is approximately proportional to the square of its speed. At low speeds, the drag is much less than the gravitational force and so the object accelerates. As it accelerates, the drag increases, until it equals the weight. Drag also depends on the projected area. This is why objects with a large projected area relative to mass, such as parachutes, have a lower terminal velocity than objects with a small projected area relative to mass, such as bullets."
-Wikipedia

Let's Fall
In the beginning of that Wikipedia article, it mentions terminal velocity is a property of fluid dynamics. Not only does something falling through air have a terminal velocity, the same is true for liquid (i.e. water). A sinking ship, a lead weight, or a dolphin corpse. OK, hopefully you are intrigued with all the talk about falling objects, but probably don't know where this is going. Well, recently there was a study in Mexico and Cuba that showed objects travelling threw a granular medium (i.e. sand, ball pit, polystyrene beads) could reach a terminal velocity. This is important because it has not even been publicly theorized before. If anyone has watched Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman, that is impressive in it's own right.

The link is below for the Pop-Sci article, and it really caught my attention. The researchers dropped (or more accurately, shot) different weighted ping-pong balls into the polystyrene (i.e. foam) beads and observed them to reach a terminal velocity. Imagine jumping into a ball pit and falling forever, or dropping something on a sandy beach and have it sink beyond reach.

Heavy Metal
In that test, the researchers modified the density of the balls by filling them with steel particles/ dust. Their heaviest ping pong ball, at 182 grams, was still less than 1/2 a pound. By doing more math then I should be logically be doing in my normal life, I calculated that the ball should be closer to 9+ ounces if filled with solid steel or iron. This means that the some density has been lost due to the granular nature of their product, and probably completely topped off with the steel particles.

Why is this important? In the physorg.com original article, they mention a ping pong ball would have to weigh approx. 31 pounds to travel endlessly through sand. Well, that stat sparked my interest for this entire blog post. Inside my head " Wow, 31 lbs. How much steel would have to be in it? I don't think that would work. They just did the test with steel. Steel is really heavy. Is there anything heavier than steel? google.com"

At that point, I came head on with my wrong assumptions:

#1 a 31 lb. ping pong ball is possible
#2 Steel is really heavy

This search lead me to a few very interesting websites, and some strong realizations. Refer back to my 1st sentence about a Tungsten ping pong ball. I calculated this to weigh a little more than 1.42 lbs, or about 23 ounces. That is about 2-1/2 times the weight, or density of steel! Tungsten is pretty much the heaviest metal we have hear on earth that is safe to handle. There are a few substances that are only marginally heavier, such as Uranium. So, it's safe to say the 31 lb. ping pong ball isn't happening anytime soon.

On a side note, a Tungsten ping pong ball would be fun to toss to your friends if you like giving them stress fractures or hideous bruises. Also, I would like to start a gym called Tungsten where all the weights are: you guessed it, Tungsten. I think it would be cool to have 45 lb. plates about 25% smaller than other gym's 25 pounder's. I'm sure the cost would be astronomical.

Depleted Uranium
I recently did some light reading on Depleted Uranium (DU) shells, and it fit right into this whole conversation. The difference between DU Uranium and Enriched Uranium- EU can be used for nuclear fission. I found a great article on the Santa Clara University website, linked below. The concept behind a DU shell is the same reason a "bullet proof" vest does not stop a sharp knife. You want a concentrated force to penetrate the armor, instead of being dispersed. For comparison, DU is 68.4% more dense than lead. These heavy shells are very dangerous and strongly linked to radiation poisoning ("Gulf War Syndrome"). DU shells also offer some different benefits compared to other advanced ammunition, as stated in the article. Research into using these DU and Tungsten slugs started in the 1970's. DU is also used for advanced armor. It's amazing how the military will gravitate towards a material because of it's low cost, despite being potentially poisonous to your own troops. And it's density.

120 mm Tank Ammunition

"The use of DU in munitions is controversial because of questions about potential long-term health effects.^[5][6] Normal functioning of the kidney, brain, liver, heart, and numerous other systems can be affected by uranium exposure, because uranium is a toxic metal.^[7] It is weakly radioactive and remains so because of its long physical half-life (4.468 billion years for uranium-238, 700 million years for uranium-235). The biological half-life (the average time it takes for the human body to eliminate half the amount in the body) for uranium is about 15 days.^[8] The aerosol or spallation frangible powder produced during impact and combustion of depleted uranium munitions can potentially contaminate wide areas around the impact sites leading to possible inhalation by human beings" - Wikipedia


Phys Org Article (original)

Terminal Velocity Through granular medium (Popular Science)

Volume of a Ping Pong Ball

DU Ammunition- SCU



XVIII- How to Sleep like you were poisoned

Greetings loyal Apprisal readers! I know I have not posted in a while, but I had to break down what has happened over the last 12 hours or so. I'm talking about sleep, son!!!

Don't worry, the blog is still getting plenty of hits, which reminds me....
Alison Rosen Adam Carolla Bald Brian Daves of Thunder DOT BTL Delicious Pancakes In my mouth

Sleep

Like a lot of people in their early to mid 20's, sleep is a love hate relationship. I like staying up late and hate getting up in the morning. It's a constant battle to go to bed on time. Despite this, I have pretty good sleeping habits (except when I pass out at my neighbor's place, on their floor, when I have my bed about 150 yards away). I usually go to bed around 11:15 to 11:30, with my alarm going off at 7 a.m.



  Everyone has their own particulars for an environment they can sleep in. I have a friend of mine that would play loud music on his computer and pass out no problem. Now banging. Linkin Park and Eminem in my room is not what I like to do, so....

The Official List of Ideal Sleep Conditions
Temperature- Slightly on the "Cool" side. If I had to guess, between 63-67 degrees.
Humidity- As little humidity as possible

Sound- As little sound as possible

Light- As little light as possible.

Smell- As little smell as possible.

Covers- Light, clean sheet and comforter.

Pillows- Standard issue, slightly to moderately broken in.

Bed- Breathable, firmer material. Twin XL, Queen, or larger for length.

Like a Utopian society, it is hard to reach all of these conditions, but it doesn't hurt to strive for. It's hard to control all of these factors, such as when my window is open. Apparently, the intersection I live by occasionally turns into Need for Speed: Underground 2.

The Set-up

Last night was the first night I used my air conditioning unit all spring/summer. I usually have it run to cool my room just a tad, but mainly to utilize it's ability to remove humidity. I rarely need to have it run all night, so I had it run for the typical two hours or so on timer, just long enough to get me to sleep. It does make some noise as it kicks on and off as it maintains temperature, but the comfort benefit greatly outweighs the noise.

Well, I slept like a rock last night. I slept so hard that I slept straight through my alarm. I felt like I had taken a bunch of Advil or NyQuil right before bed. Even with those products, I still would have woken up to my alarm! I was actually worried that maybe my A/C had a leak and I got like freon poisoning or something. I found out that Freon is non-toxic, thanks Google. THAT'S A NIGHT OF SLEEP!

The A/C benefits my sleep greatly, but I had never woken up that groggy, through my moderately loud alarm, and thought that I had been drugged and/or poisoned during the night.

The Culprit
So, after ruling out the poisonous A/C unit, I reviewed what I had consumed before bed.

About a month ago, I decided to make Gin Rickey's for the first time. A Gin Rickey consists of: Gin, Ice, Club Soda, and fresh squeezed Lime. I have since adapted to drink just the same thing minus the Gin, as it is a very refreshing and healthy drink. I will be consuming more and more of these as the temperature goes up during the summer.



Gin Rickey

Enter Sandman

Well, last time I went to Safeway, that had some real b-stock limes: off color, small, and not even on sale. Instead, that had some giant lemons on sale, 2 for $1. I deducted that they must be in season, and I could make the same drink with Lemon instead. I had the first Lemon drinks on Sunday, during the late afternoon. I slept well that night, but nothing out of the ordinary (out of the ordinary i.e. drugged/poisoned). Last night, I did the same thing, except much closer to bed time. I usually make two drinks, half the fruit in each, and finished the second one around 11pm.




Consult your doctor before consuming



Turns out, Lemon is sort of a homeopathic sleep aid, among other things. A Hot Toddy, for example, contains lemon, as well as many teas, etc. designed to help you get over being sick faster and help you sleep. I haven't seen anything promoting the "knocked-out" experience that I had, but seems to be enough evidence to say this is what did me in. I hope now that I have come forward, others will as well with their extreme lemon sleep.

Recipe: The Big Sleep

 (The Big Sleep is a euphemism for death)

Throw 5 or 6 big ice cubes into a pint(16oz.) glass

Squeeze half a large fresh lemon into the glass. I prefer to puncture the lemon several times with a fork to facilitate the juicin'.

Top the glass off with club soda, or water. See you in 16 hours!!!

Warning: Consumption may result in large losses in time

Articles

"In case of insomnia, raw lemon juice helps to improve sleep."

http://www.ehow.com/how_6857990_do-use-lemon-cure-snoring_.html

http://healthmad.com/nutrition/lemon-juice-offers-surprising-benefits-you-want-to-enjoy/

http://goneraw.com/forum/drinking-lemon-juice-sleep-and-waking

XVII- War. Dogs.

I wasn't going to talk about war dogs in the blog, until a new article popped up that expressed the same fan boy-spirit I had for them. War dog's, also called Military Work Dog or MWD's, recently got highlighted all over the news because of the helicopter raid on Bin Laden's complex, which utilized at least one dog.

And, oh yeah...I SAW THIS PICTURE




! ! ! ! !


You can read the article at Fast Company, everything is bad-ass about the article including the title:

"The Bullet Proof Dog That Stormed Bin Laden's Lair"

I originally expressed my interest in war dogs watching Diane Sawyer gloss over all the expensive items these dogs get tricked out with. I started thinking about how police dogs are trained to take down attackers by biting them, and I imagined if their mouth had some teeth, similar to a bear trap. Sure enough, these dogs get missing teeth replaced with titanium (although not as awesome as my bear trap concept). Teeth, according to D-Soy, that are broken during training. Titanium is named after the Titans from Greek Mythology,

Official Apprisal List of Animals you do not want to get bit by

4. Cobra, etc.

3. Any type of a gator, boy! ROLL TIDE

2. shark, killer whale, etc.

1. Dog that is trained to kill with it's teeth, is so ferocious that it breaks it's teeth during training, and has it's teeth replaced with titanium. Bite strength: 700 lbs/ sq.in.

German Shepherd Puppy

The thing I most like about involving dogs in combat, that it's kind of a retro concept. People used to utilize animals in combat all the time, horses, elephants, etc. and moved away with the advancement in technology. Now, these advancements allow these animals to get re-introduced into combat. Lucky them! Seriously though, pretty soon it's going to be like a sci-fi novel or something similar, with Chewbacca's running around with laser guns.

Special Made Vest for Dogs: $20,000 - $30,000

XVI- John Demjanjuk (talk about a bad day)

I was reading the news today, and had to talk about this story of John Demjanjuk. Today, he has been sentenced to 5 years in prison...for Nazi war crimes.

John D. is 91 years old. I imagine the prosecution went something like this:
"Do you remember where you were in 1943?"
"That was 68 years ago. so no"

They have numerous articles that have been linked to him being there, so odds are he is guilty as charged. He maintains his innocence despite this evidence. Although, the only reason he was regarded as a Nazi is because he was a prisoner of war. It was common for POW's to be forced into service for Germany in WWII. Unless...you were Jewish. So here we are, almost 70 years later, prosecuting a man who is 91 years old.

Some things that stuck out from reading about this crazy event:

• "As survivors and defendants have aged and died, the prosecution of Nazi-era war criminals has become increasingly difficult because, 66 years after the end of World War II, few potential witnesses are still alive."New York Times.  I imagine.
• He's been deported from the USA. Twice
• He is a retired US auto worker, meaning if you own an American car 30-40 years old, there is an outside chance it was part built by a Nazi.
• He was sentenced to death in 1988 in Israel, but was pardoned when they discovered they mistook him for a different Nazi.
• They had to make special arrangements for him because of his old age and health conditions.

Should John Demjanjuk be prosecuted?

The UK's First Post has a good article here

"But his accusers have maintained that between March and September 1943, he was a guard at the Polish Sobibor death camp. This was a relatively common way for Soviet prisoners to avoid being one of the three million Russian soldiers who starved to death in camps. Demjanjuk later testified, "I would have given my soul for a loaf of bread."

XV- Rich Man, Poor Man

Rich Man, Poor Man

Happy Special Tuesday Edition, everyone!

Dave Dameshek Daves of Thunder DOT BTL end cancelled Pancake Recipe Get Rich Quick Free Xbox

As you have hopefully figured out by now, I am a big fan of Adam Carolla. He is doing a show at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland on Saturday, May 14th. However, I will be out of town at a concert in Sea-Town, wasssup, Seattle, Jump on it! Jump on it! Jump on it! Also, tickets to his show are quite a bit more than other comedy acts I have been to. The neighborhood of $50 is a little much for a 90 minute show. I will probably check him out next time, if he is at a less prestigious venue (my living room, perhaps?)

THE MAN with new funny girl Alison Rosen



The Schnitz'


The Actual Article
I wanted to highlight a concept that Adam came up with a lone time ago. I was first introduced to Adam Carolla listening to loveline as a kid. Not really "content a 13 year old should be listening to", but my main attraction was the humor that he brought to the show. I imagine the majority of people's only familiarity with him is from The Man Show, which is like the only time eating chocolate is when it was on rotten fruit. I then followed him onto his morning show that was cancelled (I believe 2008?) despite it's popularity. As I'm sure I mentioned before, he now has his own podcast company, and the #1 podcast in the US (2nd in the world to Ricky Gervais' podcast, currently trying overtake him in the next week or two).

Ever since I can remember he has periodically talked about "Rich Man, Poor Man". This points out similarities between the poorest in our society and the richest in our society, which passes the middle 80-90% of society. It is one of my favorite things because of the hilarious and true analogies

assembled from fan submissions, Twitter (#richmanpoorman) and actual Adam Carolla, Bald Brian, etc. examples

Really Long Driveways
Rich people have those really long driveways that end in a circle, and poor people have long driveways that end in trailers
Make Your Own Alcohol
Rich people own wineries and do extensive home brewing while poor people make toilet wine and moonshine
Owning Lots of animals
Owning a bunch of Chihuahuas vs. a bunch of feral cats
Living in multiple houses a year
Couch surfing, getting evicted compared to vacationing in France, downtown penthouses
Their house has a lot of wood paneling
Rich people have hand carved mahogany panels, libraries, etc. Poor people have fake paneling from the 70's

They spend a lot of time in a bath robe

Playing guitar in front of people for money

Eating the exotic parts off of animals

From 2006 log of the ACS Show

"6:07 RICH MAN, POOR MAN

Adam plays a spirited round of Rich Man, Poor Man.

One thing the middle class seems to be brainwashed with, Adam says, is that second hand smoke is a first class killer. Rich people will smoke in the house, and even have a smoking room. Poor people just don’t care.
Dave brings up another thing that is just a middle class thing. The middle class will tell you, “Oh, my wife runs this house.” The rich don’t ever see their wife, and the poor just beat the hell out of their wife.

A listener calls in. The Harley-Davidson, he says. The rich man will of course have a nice motorcycle to play around with, and the poor man will just be a white trash biker dude. The middle class guy isn’t allowed to have a motorcycle.

James proffers “eviction notices.” The rich man gets to hand out eviction notices, and the poor man gets them. Interesting, Adam says. The middle class rarely deals with eviction notices.

Chris brings up taxidermy. The nice rich guy has a big marlin on his wall that he caught on some fishing trip. The poor guy has a jackalope.

Marcus calls in with “fishing.” Rich people do it for fun and sport, and poor people sometimes do it just to catch some food to cook up and eat.

Darren points out that neither rich guys nor poor guys will clean up after themselves. Agreed, Adam says. Rich guys feel entitled to be cleaned up after, and poor guys just don’t care."
-The Official Adam Carolla Show Blog

XIV- Trend Hopping

1st of all, happy Monday to everyone. All 3 of you who read my blog. If you got here looking for the Daves of Thunder post, scroll down and look over to the right. I decided to start today's edition of The Apprisal with the famous scene from Billy Madison for two main reasons:

1. To remind people that Adam Sandler used to be funny

2. To illustrate that most people are sheep.

What is Trend Hopping

I would classify trend hopping as jumping on the band wagon of some cultural trend, regardless of your actual interest in said trend. I'm not in the business of telling people how to live their life (Yet...more information to follow), but the point of this post isn't to ridicule these people. It's to help these people. By making fun of them.

As a point of disclosure, I'm sure everyone has had an interest or hobby as a younger person, and now upon reflecting back can laugh at what they were into. During Jr. High/ High School, I listened to a lot of metal/ hard rock music. While I still enjoy the majority of this modern metal, etc., there are some Cd's that aren't worth the material they are printed on. For an example, I present 18 Visions (18 Visions are great for their nonsensical approach to song structure and horrible lyrics/singing). I own worse Cd's then this, if you can believe it.

The Problem with Trend Hopping

The main problem with trend hopping is you are revolving your interest around a trend, i.e. a fad, because of the popularity or perceived "coolness" of the fad. That is all fine and dandy, but what happens when this trend, like the dodo bird, goes away? A person who has set this precedent of trying to associate with whatever is the latest & greatest, is forced into another trend. A great example of this are celebrities. They are easily dated by their appearances. Think of what was popular in the 80's- feathered hair, gaudy color combinations, nylon pants, etc. I think it's ironic that fashion shows are trying to sell clothing by designing stuff that is so weird no one would ever wear it. Is there something I'm missing here?

Examples of "Dead" Trends

Jnco Jeans

 I could write a whole post on Jnco Jeans. Absolutely horrible. I like to buy jeans that have a nice "boot cut", etc. so the jean fits around my shoe. I think the actual measurement is typically 18-20" in circumference. I'm not sure the point of jeans that have a 30"+ opening at the bottom, unless you A. want to look like a Jawa from Star Wars IV, or B. have elephant-man feet. Not to mention the standard patch that looked like it came out of a cereal box.

Personal Story Time-When I lived in California, I saw someone in the local mall wearing

-Jnco Jeans, standard issue HUGE

-a large,white plastic chain fashioned into a belt and wallet chain

-Stuffed Teletubbies clipped to the chain and dangling off of it.

The image is going to stay with me to the grave.



Jawa's after they shocked R2D2 in Episode IV



Yo-Yo's

I remember when Yo-Yo's were making a comeback in the 90's. A god damn yo-yo. People wonder why America is slipping behind other countries in terms of innovation, etc. It's because full grown adults were learning how to "walk the dog", and customizing the counter-balances in their yo-yo's instead of something productive.

Livestrong Bracelets

These bracelet/bands were all the rage a few years ago. I understand they helped raise a lot of money for cancer research, etc. But it's a little dystopian to see the majority of the populous wearing identical yellow bands everywhere they go.

Affliction T-Shirts

-I'm not sure how this trend got started, maybe from the MMA crowd. I don't think it was ever a good idea to have a look that was reminiscent of a Bedazzler, mixed in with Gothic symbols including skulls and gargoyles

Current "Trends"

Jersey Shore

I was entertained during the first season or so of Jersey Shore, but there is almost nothing on TV that is more repetitive. There is a big, thick line that many people cross. That line divides "Hey this show is funny, all they do is get drunk and fight" and "Hey this show is awesome, these people are awesome. I'm going to dress like them and say their phrases all the time!" I can't wait for a few years to go by, I know more than a few people will be trying to destroy any record of this time frame. What are we on, Season 3? Most shows don't make it 5 seasons, and they are already doing a spin off. MTV already screwed up enough culture with the TRL era, etc.

(Personal Note- It's a bad thing that I am going to a particular person's page to get more ideas of current, soon-to-be-dead trends to finish this post)

Dubstep

My problem isn't with actual dubstep music, but pretty much everything else surrounding it. This is going to burn out real soon, as far as a trend anyways. Right now, Dubstep has turned into a trend similar to previous music genre's, such as punk. Think about punk music. Think about people who listen to punk music. D-bags. A bunch of idiots should have popped into your head. However, a lot of punk music is very good but it is overshadowed by they bumbling simpletons who eventually ruin the genre so much you wouldn't want to say you listen to it for fear of association. As I mentioned in a previous post, I listen to a lot of different genres, which includes a lot of electronic music. Anything electronic that is edgy and might borrow some cadences here and there is now grouped in the "dupstep category", which is inaccurate and has turned it into a trend.

Just Google for dubstep images, or read the comments on some YouTube videos. "OMG THIS MELTED MY FACE OFF, DUBSTEP IS THE BEST" "Jesus died for our sins, and so we could enjoy dubstep"



People who are overexcited about anything, is usually a turnoff for me. Which is unfortunate. So everybody-chill out before you kill something people might enjoy!

P.S. I don't remember people walking around in the 70's with shirts that say "I LOVE GUITARS" "ROCK N' MOTHERF---ING ROLL" and "I LOVE BRITISH INVASION". chill out, everyone needs to chill out. Stop drinking 5 Hour Energies all the time.

P.P.S. I just came came up with an idea. It's going to a huge speaker cabinet, a person biting the head off a bird, and in big text "LISTEN TO BRITISH INVASION" on a black shirt. Don't steal my idea.

XIII- The President Gets Paid Money???

The President Gets Paid Money??? AKA Facebook Politics

I get paid roughly the NFL minimum to lead the free world

I'm sure most people have seen posts recently similar to this:

Salary of the US President = $400,000.
Salary of retired US Presidents = $180,000.
Salary of House/Senate = $174,000.
Salary of Speaker of House = $223,500.
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders = $193,400.
......Average US Salary = $33,000 - $77,000
HELLO!!! I think we found where the cuts should be made!!
If you agree….REPOST!!!!

I am now going to rip this apart

This is an example of people re-posting something that seems to make sense, instead of doing critical thinking of any issues. Facebook politics are the worst. There are so many things wrong with this post, let alone this it is mixed in to a social forum where most posts consist of:
A. The weather B. What you just ate C. What you are doing this weekend D. Other (less then 10%)

Let's start with the math
Salary of the US President = $400,000.

Barack Obama gets $400,000.00 a year, for probably the worst job in America. CEO's of companies you have never heard of probably make more than $400,000/year. You don't even have to be the top dog at a a Large company, many CFO's, COO's, VP's of large companies make much more than 400k. I don't know any other job where you are seen as responsible for 300 million people, get blamed for everything going wrong in an entire country, and get slandered on national television 24/7, not to mention the complete lack of privacy or constant scrutiny about where you were born. For your entire term.

Total for president: $400,000.00

Salary of retired US Presidents = $180,000.

There are currently 4 U.S presidents still alive,
George Bush Jr. (2 terms)
Bill Clinton (2 terms)
George Bush Sr. (1 term)
Jimmy Carter (1 term) (barely)

I don't know about you, but this sounds like OK money. I don't really want ex-presidents, who should be held among the most distinguished in our society, living in high rise apartment buildings and bagging groceries to get benefits. Just because they are "retired", doesn't mean they don't do anything. Typically they lead lives that involve copious amounts of civic duty, give speeches, and generally try to promote "world peace".

Total for retired presidents: $720,000.00

Salary of House/Senate = $174,000.00

100 Senators (2 per state)
435 members of the House of Representatives (distributed to states based upon population)

Members of the Senate and House are appointed by each state to represent the citizens that have elected them. This includes voicing opinion, proposing/ supporting measures etc. in best interest of their constituents. If you want to cut the salary of people who are responsible for representing your state and interests fairly, be my guest. They are similar to a real estate agent of sorts, except that they don't make as much as top real estates.

Total for Senate AND House: $93,090,000.00
(535 members, representing 50 States/ 307+ million people)

Salary of Speaker of House = $223,500.00
This is a member of the House of representatives accounted for already, so he (John Boehner) gets paid for the additional responsibility, similar to a shift lead at McDonald's.

Total for Speaker of the house: $49,500.00 (additional)

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders = $193,400.00

Majority/ Minority Leaders of the Senate : Harry Reid/ Mitch McConnell 
Majority/ Minority Leaders of the House: Eric Cantor/ Nancy Pelosi

Same deal as the Speaker of the House, these positions are compensated based on the increased responsibility. Generally, this is how jobs work in America.

Total for Majority/ Minority Leaders of the House/Senate: $185,600.00 (additional)

This brings our grand total to: $94,445,100.00

*Please note little to none fact checking was done for these salaries, simply taken straight across from the Facebook re-post in circulation.

Now I know what you are thinking. "OMG the President of the United States gets paid more than me? UNFAIR." Well, let's say you cut everyone of the aforementioned people's salaries in half. Forgot the part that if this was a business, and the CEO called up all the managers and said cut every one's pay in half, their would be strikes, walkouts, and would destroy the business. Forget that part.

That would equal a savings of ....$47.2 Million. For comparison, that would be equivalent to:

.0067% of the roughly $700 Billion dollars a year for defense spending. (Which is typically 10 times what the next highest NATO country spends on defense) Source: The Washington Post

Or, about 1/3 a modern Jet (F-22: $150 million, F-35 $156 Million)
Older Style jets, such as the Boeing Harrier II introduced in 1985, run a measly $35 million.

Enjoy your recession, PEW PEW PEW PEW

From CNN, 4/13/11:
"By virtually every measure, U.S. military spending, which rose 2.8%, leaves every other nation in the dust. The $698 billion it spent accounted for 43% of all the military spending in the world and was six times the amount expended by the No. 2 country, China. Military spending amounted to 4.8% of U.S. gross domestic product, compared to the world average of 2.6%."

Conclusion

So obviously, I am suggesting we need to cool it on the defense/ military spending instead of trying to vilify the people we vote into office and compensate fairly to represent our interests. Maybe. I decided to use jets as just an example, $150 million/ a jet doesn't even begin to scrape the surface. Most of those programs cost $50 billion and up just to get off the ground. Have you seen the new laser ray gun the military is trying out? I'm guessing that isn't cheap. Insanely deadly and scary, but not cheap. But still pretty cool.

What's interesting to me is how the Vice President escape this repost trend? That's right, I'm coming after you Joe Biden! After all, according to Wikipedia he makes $230,000/ year. If anyone gets paid too much, it's that guy. He's basically an intern, just moping around the white house saying "You're right, Barack!" , "What do you think, Barack?" and "GO GET 'EM". We're going to pay a guy a quarter mil to sit around, praying that the president takes a bullet? I've been trying to keep personal attacks/ taking political sides in this article, but I got a biiig problem with Joe Biden. This guy is one heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world and this guy drinks non-alcoholic beer. Puhhhhhhhh.

I had to share this picture of another vice president:

Caption from Wikipedia: "John C. Calhoun was the first Vice President to resign from office." Thank God. This guy looks like pure insanity. And he has 12 year old girl hands.


Later, Alligators!!!


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NEW MOUTH'S CRADLE EP! Released 4/13 (aka yesterday). 5 tracks, using clips from http://www.everythingisterrible.com/, a video website of the weirdest videos on the web.

"Why is everyone obeying???"  "Do the vegeboogie"
Download HERE

XII- Mouth's Cradle

Free mix tape recently released, but currently unavailable for download :( sad face

I decided to devote a new music post to a duo called Mouth's Cradle, because I really enjoy their music and they are definitely the "smallest" group/duo I listen to. How I heard of them is convoluted which I will explain below. As I mentioned in the previous music post, I am interested in how people hear of different artists and delve into different genres. If you share the same interest, you are in luck. If not, go pound sand!

I was sitting on a boat
floating down the Mis'sippi
down to New Orleans
where the girls are so pretty
got my glasses I'm out the door
I'm gonna hit this city
and on the radio all I heard
was "a milli, a milli"
so I got out a notebook
and wrote a rhyme of my own
I sang it over synthesizers
and a dial tone
but I was too scared to see if the people
liked it or not
so you know I missed out
on when that opportunity knocked
- "Opportunity Knocks"
 How I heard of Mouth's Cradle

I am a fairly active YouTube user, as I am sure a lot of people who have computers and Internet are. It is a great way to learn about different topics and check out some videos from people who share the same interests. I started checking out Modern Warfare 2 videos by a guy who goes by the name "Hutch". For those unfamiliar with the gaming YouTube family, Hutch now gets paid to play and comment on video games by the company Machinima. Hutch's personal channel is shaun0728. (For the record, my favorite YouTube gamer is seananners). At some point Hutch re-posted a video from a user name joehands0me. Joe is a video editor, and would take game play video from Modern Warfare 1 and edit it to music in a music video style which was amazing. The video that really pulled me in is Double Dare:



At this point I was like "this is awesome, SUBSCRIBBBBEEEE". Joe also, however, does a lot of projects not involving video games. Surprising, I know. After following him for a short period of time, he released a live action music video for Mouth's Cradle's "Demon", and the rest is history. It's funny that I just realised this video was posted about 9 months ago, which feels weird because of the amount I have listened to Mouth's Cradle.

The Band

Mouth's Cradle consists of two members, Mouf and Master Rodgers. It's safe to assume these are their stage names. They incorporate many different sounds and genres in a great blend, with clever and contemporary lyrics. They can pull off simpler/softer tracks, while maintaining an edge. What has really impressed me about Mouth's Cradle is the high production value of their tracks, and the great vocals. They write some pretty catchy choruses, as well as blend into some up-tempo raps. One of my favorite songs, New York Border, starts out:

crash my Maserati
too much gin and toddy
put my mask on like somebody stop me

but the coppers got me
put me in a padded cell
kind of like a players club for those who used to have it well

- "New York Border"

 

MC goes to Syracuse University (or least Moufy does), and seem to stay fairly local to the Northeast as far as shows go. Understandably. I would love to see these guys in person, but I don't see them coming to the Ory-gun anytime soon. On the bright side, new material is in the works. I am stoked. Their YouTube channel has a wide selection of the majority of their published tracks.

Recently, to promote the new music to be soon released, they have been "MC'ing" up fan photos for fun

Happy Listening!!!

fun link time!

Mouth's Cradle on Facebook

Mouth's Cradle on Youtube

Mouth's Cradle on Twitter

Gilbert Gottfried recently got fired from Aflac for making a Japan tsunami joke. However, double G has been doing this his whole career so what do you expect. He infamously made 9/11 jokes at the Hugh Hefner roast something like 10 days after it happened. Double G, btw, is the voice of the duck who screams "AFFFLAAAAACCCC". To parody this, he recently did a video with Funny or Die, called "Too Soon Gilbert Gottfried"

XI- Singularity

Welcome to the Robot

I recently discovered something awesome.Well, it depends on your definition of "awesome". It's called Technological Singularity, or "Singularity Theory". I had to share it. As I mentioned previously, I don't think there is a bigger self fulfilling prophecy then mankind creates it's own demise through technology (as opposed to pollution, 2012/Mayan calender, etc. theories). Let the nightmare begin!!!!

"A technological singularity is a hypothetical event occurring when technological progress becomes so rapid that it makes the future after the singularity qualitatively different and harder to predict."- Wikipedia

That doesn't sound to bad, but how about:

" Within thirty years, we will have the technological means to create superhuman intelligence. Shortly after, the human era will be ended."- Vernor Vinge, SDSU. Written in 1993

That sounds a little bleak. But more specifically:

"...a story that goes like this: one day in the not-so-distant future, the Internet will suddenly coalesce into a super-intelligent A.I., infinitely smarter than any of us individually and all of us combined; it will become alive in the blink of an eye, and take over the world before humans even realize what’s happening.
Some think the newly sentient Internet would then choose to kill us; others think it would be generous and digitize us the way Google is digitizing old books, so that we can live forever as algorithms inside the global brain."-Jaron Lainer, New York Times

OH MY GOD! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Not necessarily. But probably.

Computers are our loyal friends, like a good lap dog! How would this happen?

"Although technological progress has been accelerating, it has been limited by the basic intelligence of the human brain, which has not, according to Paul R. Ehrlich, changed significantly for millennia.^[10] However with the increasing power of computers and other technologies, it might eventually be possible to build a machine that is more intelligent than humanity.^[11] If superhuman intelligences were invented, either through the amplification of human intelligence or artificial intelligence, it would bring to bear greater problem-solving and inventive skills than humans, then it could design a yet more capable machine, or re-write its source code to become more intelligent. This more capable machine then could design a machine of even greater capability. These iterations could accelerate, leading to recursive self improvement, potentially allowing enormous qualitative change before any upper limits imposed by the laws of physics or theoretical computation set in."-Wikipedia

Praise thy CPU!

Singularity theory is referred to constantly as a "technology" religion of sorts, kind of like a 1's and 0's End of Days. But what is most disturbing about the notion of the coming singularity, in my opinion, can be boiled down to three things:

Singularity Theory is:
1. Based in science (which, unlike Scientology, which is surprisingly not based on science but instead around an alien Jesus being trapped in an electric mountain prison)

2. Already happening. As talked about in Jaron Lainer's NY Times article:
"That is, people perform machine-like activity, copying and relaying information; the Internet, as a whole, is claimed to perform the creative thinking, the problem solving, the connection making. This is a devaluation of human thought."
The more automation, the more computer algorithms that we use, the more the power balance has been shifted to computers. We are the drones that carry out the simple, arduous tasks.

3. Unpredictable. A key component of singularity theory is "the turning point". Once society and technology hit this point, which is inherently hard to predict, that the change will be rapid and unpredictable

Conclusion

All the great inventions in the world today are limited by the power of the human mind. Even the intelligent computer models that help us do things from manage power systems, map DNA, to predict extreme weather patterns, are inherently limited to some extent because they can be linked back to human creators. Despite the complexity, vastness, and diversity of what has been created, there are human specialists (mathematicians, engineers, chemists, etc.) that are involved in the process and know how processes and inventions operate and why they work. A great portion of our inventions took lifetimes to create.

What the singularity represents is the outcome when that string of limitation is cut, and when their is no specialization. Oh, and "AIs could have other uses for the scarce resources mankind uses to survive." Like oxygen.

Have a great week!

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NY Times Article, "First Church of Robotics"
How to Find Aliens, DUHHHH!!!!!!

X- Salads Exposed

"All green things must die"- Charlie Sheen

Salads- a staple of any dieting plan. Salads can be very healthy to eat if you make them yourself and aren't a Ranch dressing cultist. However, 99% of the time they are not. Here's a hint: if you throw a bunch of thick Ranch dressing and bacon bits on something, it is no longer a healthy menu item. Such is the case with restaurant "entree" salads. They come out on a 14" diameter plate and frequently top 1,000 calories such as Ruby Tuesday's Carolina Chicken Salad (1,300 calories).

Iceberg

If iceberg wasn't as crunchy as it is, this crop would be non-existent. The fact that we apply 1,000's of ways to get this flavor-less, nutrient-less product into as many items as possible is disturbing. It is green, shredded filler. I used the word "green" loosely, it is more like a see-through membrane then an actual color. Yet, it is far and away the #1 lettuce we consume in America. And here is the reason: a head of lettuce is about $1.10. If you shred it up, you can fill a shopping cart.




nom nom nom nom nom


My favorite thing to see at restaurants is the "iceberg wedge" salad. Oh, how exotic. Let's take a head of lettuce, and instead of actually shredding it, let's just hack it up into sixths with a butcher's knife. Then douse it with blue cheese dressing, bacon, tomatoes, etc.

Side Note: Iceberg's best friend is the almost equally nutrient-vapid celery!

Dressing

The only thing less healthy then iceberg is the dressing we drench our salads with. I don't know about you, but i don't make a turkey sandwich, pour 6 oz. of mayo on a plate and run it on every square inch of the bread like a psycho. Dressings are primarily made of : oil, water, and sugar.

Common Ingredients In Salad

Filler aka Iceberg
toasted and seasoned white bread
bacon
eggs
steak
chicken strips
smoked salmon
salami
tortilla chips
blue cheese
hard cheeses (cheddar, Parmesan, etc.)
black olives
walnuts, almonds, etc.
un-ripe, watery tomatoes
celery
2 slices of cucumber
.15 ounces of carrot
.20 ounces of red cabbage

Side Note: Radishes are omitted from the toppings list is because they do not taste good, and any appearance in a salad is probably a mistake. I hypothesize they are left on the kitchen counter from a different dish and get wrapped into everything in similar fashion to these games:

Designer Salads

You can't be a self respecting restaurant and not have a unique or quirky salad on the menu. Lazier places will just through dried cranberries in everything. I wish it stopped there. Instead, you are looking at a salad that resembles what a kindergarten class pulled up out of the field next to the baseball diamond. "I was wanting a salad, but i don't know how the mandarin oranges, beef tri-tip, rose petals, and dandelions are going to taste together". Watermelon is not a salad topping unless you are dehydrated in a desert. On the converse of this, i have no idea how anchovies got incorporated into Caesar dressing. Whatever the reason, it's delicious.

Conclusion

Although it may not sound like it, I love salads (healthy or otherwise). My problem is that people think they are eating something that is healthy but the opposite is true. People opting for the salad on their lunch break are trying to finish their work day with calories rendered from a watery oil mix and toppings, instead of an actual meal.

IX- Dragonforce

As Advertised


This is pretty much self-explanatory





Dragon Time
Winning by a wide margin, The Apprisal readers wanted, nay, demanded several dragons photo shopped together. This is surely what they had in mind. In my search for dragon pictures, I stumbled upon several interesting sites to say the least. Feel free to use this image as your desktop background at home, work, etc. Or get it screen printed onto a t-shirt to send your lil guy or gal to 1st grade class in style. We can figure out royalties at a later time.

On The Road

The creative writing team of 1 is traveling to Chicago this upcoming Sunday, so not sure if a post will be up on Monday. If you have any great ideas about what to do in Chi-City, please leave them as a comment. Unfortunately, I don't know if I have time to hang out with Kanye West and  Lupe Fiasco while I'm there. Apparently, Oprah also lives there. I would like to eat dinner at her house, I imagine it would be pretty spectacular.

Another Great American City

Detroit, which once upon the time was a halfway respectable city, is amidst some change. Several residents and people who don't even live in Michigan are trying to get a statue of Robocop built. Yes, that Robocop. This is amazingly awesome. It will be just as iconic as the "Rocky" statue in Philly. Many websites have articles about it, including someone living in California donating something in the range of 25-50k just for this statue. Detroit may need this statue (scientific fact), but not everyone may agree (crazy). I stumbled upon a website that some may consider a tad on the "conservative" side. In this article, they slam Robocop as being Anti-American and Anti-Christian. Obviously, the greatest threat to Christianity is dragons, as illustrated above. They are also critical of Slate.com writer Patrick Cassels:

"Sadly, this young Cassels fellow, who was not even born during Reagan’s days in office,"

-Warner Todd Huston, http://www.stoptheaclu.com/

I have to go back and read. the slate.com article, apparently. I didn't realize they were also proposing "and one Nation, under God" be changed to "and one Nation, under Robocop".

Here is a link to the slate.com article.
Disclaimer: If you read it, The Apprisal does not take any responsibility for you turning into a communist.

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Every week, The Apprisal will try to set your Internet table with the most succulent seasonal vegetables, ham, and goose links available.

CAPTCHArt- This is best described with an image. Hilarity ensues. Nothing is more frustrating then trying to type in captcha's that are so illegible that the human eye can't discern the letters for the made up words.

Two recent images:

Dragons in the Bible- This site is the source of the quote incorporated in the image. Very....interesting....website....

A hilarious video, highlighting Chicago's failed bid to host the 2016 Olympic games. Brought to you by Apprisal favorite, The Hood Internet

VIII- R.I.P. Daves of Thunder

Daves of Thunder
I have been a little depressed as of late, due directly to the cancellation of one of my favorite podcasts, Daves of Thunder. The Daves were comprised of Dave Dameshek, a multi-talented radio personality who has his own show on nfl.com- The Shame Report, and Dave Sweeney, a career Hollywood writer who works on TV shows, such as According to Jim, Kimmel, etc. The main source of comedy for this show was their constant bickering, fighting about what they should do on the show, and making fun of each other's current and past projects. These became staples of the show as well as other vocabulary (especially show business vocab) the two Daves propagated. I was late to the Daves of Thunder podcast, (which they referred to as their 'passion project'), and quickly caught up to speed listening to past episodes up to 5 or 6 a week. Unfortunately, due to inconsistencies in recording, they were cancelled by Adam Carolla's podcast network. There has been quite a bit of backlash due to the #2 show getting cancelled, (Carolla's show being #1, and also the most listened to podcast on the Internet).

Last Episode of Daves of Thunder- So Sad :(

Let it Begiiiinnnn!!!

The Daves Divided
Among the bickering, Shek and Feeney make listeners pick a side in their dispute, The Shek Republic or Feensters Union. Usually, they pick Dameshek because they don't want to crush him and vocalize so. Shek listeners like the lists, etc. (as talked about below). Feeney likes to "crack wise" and "write pages".

Monkeys / BTL's
One of the running shticks on DOT was blatantly insulting their "audience", calling them uneducated, dirty apes, and BTL's. BTL is an abbreviation for "Below the Line", which is a show business term for everyone underneath the various directors, etc. that don't have any input in the final product. Dave Dameshek frequently would champion himself "a man of the people" to which Sweeney would bring up the car and house Dameshek owns in fashion similar to:
"Man of the people? No one in our audience drives an $80,000 Volvo. How much does NFL network pay you? It's got to be $700,000 for that bit you stole from Jeff Foxworthy. Does Foxworthy ever confront you about that?"




Feeney, atop Mt. Pious


Dameshek would frequently attack Sweeney over the fact that he had a harder time recording the show due to his busy "Hollywood" schedule. 'Shek would accuse Feeney of being on 'Mt. Pious', accusing him of thinking he was "above" everybody else and would re-establish himself as "a man of the people", and being there to keep the show going.


Sidekicks
The show was rarely done with guests, but almost always incorporated their Producer "Jacuzzi" Pete and Production assistant "Blaster Girl" Katie. Sometimes, they would talk and berate their PA/Intern Singleton/ Doubleton.

Blaster Girl
Blaster Girl's real name is Katie Lavine, and is in her mid to late 20's. She is a common target for berating from the Daves, and a recurring bit that she and Sweeney are secretly in love. This is a great source of humor for Sweeney, who talks about a dream that she appeared in with him, and says great one liners such as "Something about that average looking girl makes me go crazy". They constantly make fun of her large feet, her copious marijuana smoking, and try to hook her up with any male callers, even if they are in high school. They also complain about anytime she has to read, as she does it in a very boring and monotone fashion. She works on several other podcasts at Ace Network. Also simply known as "BG"

Audio of Jacuzzi Pete doing a Hilarious Christian Bale impersonation

Jacuzzi Pete
Jacuzzi Pete is named such as it's a running bit that he spends all his free time in his Jacuzzi. JP, once overweight but still a little portly, he is regularly ridiculed as well on the podcast about his weight, etc. In an especially infamous episode, the Daves forced him to walk out on the show, only to return two weeks later. The Daves compared him to an elephant, and how his wife needs to wash him by tarping off the bathroom, spraying him with a zoo nozzle, and using rags on sticks to clean him. In addition, Sweeney would occasionaly do a bit called "Jacuzzi's Thought's", claiming JP would send him emails about random topics and secrets to which he would act confused about or occasionally deny. One of the more vehemently denied thoughts was JP's admiration for the 9/11 hijackers, despite his love for America. Jacuzzi Pete has a rivalry with part time stand-in producer Mike Cioffi, refereed to on DOT as "Jacuzzi Cioffi". Cioffi would blatantly bribe the Daves with baked goods and talk about how much talent they have, to the chagrin of JP.


Running Bits and Vocabulary
These are a few of my favorite things the Daves would do:

Sweeney the Writer
Sweeney, a professional writer, would make fun of anyone doing things in his realm of expertise.
-Would make fun of Dameshek working on the show "Battlebots", and would make jokes about Dameshek writing jokes for robots.
-A high percentage of the time someone would make a joke, Sweeney would go "Ohhh, Blaster Girl's writing pages now!" which completely kills their joke in a hilarious fashion. The implication being the joke wasn't off the cuff, and instead was written beforehand.

"Gave me the high-hat"
 A reference to the flopped joke 3 drum hit, ending in the high hat. Anytime someone disrespects you, they "give you the high-hat".

Dameshek- Old Timey Words
"Gangbusters"- An outdated word that appeared in an episode of "Mad Men", means "crazy". Would use it to refer to the podcasts popularity
Crooked/ Sideways- meaning drunk "We went out this weekend, and we got crooked. I mean we really got sideways!"
Standing Drinks- Buying drinks for people, aka standing at the bar
Man in the Mirror- A way to reference yourself

Lists
 Dameshek would make lists that would annoy Feeney to no end. Anytime he would transition to the lists, Feeney would start belly aching about it. Damesheks list include :best condiment (Mustard), best free appetizer at restaurants (chips & salsa), etc. This is a main point in contention between the two Daves. Dameshek would claim it gave the audience something talk and vote on, while Sweeney would complain that it doesn't have anything to do with comedy. Ironically, the back and forth was the main point of the lists. In one episode, Dameshek goes on a vitriolic rant about his problems with the show, using movie speeches. He utilizes the Alec Balwin scene from Glenn Gary Glenn Ross, and replaces "The leads are no good?"with "The lists are no good?"

Star Wars- The Daves are big star wars fans, and make references to all the different movies. They end every show with the "Yub Nub" song, the song the Ewoks sing at the end of Return of the Jedi.

Listener Submissions
The Daves of Thunder Podcast was probably the largest recipient of listener content on Ace Broadcasting. They frequently put up songs (cover songs are a favorite of the show), and listener art depicting running jokes of the show. One of my favorite songs is made after JP walks out of the show. The song starts off longing for him to come back, and makes fun of JP for eating nachos and coconut cream pies.


A Post Daves of Thunder World
The Daves of Thunder Facebook Page is even more active now that the show is gone, with disgruntled listeners. Many blame one of the producers/program directors at Ace Broadcasting, but I can't blame them. The inconsistencies with the show came to head around Superbowl weekend, with the Daves not putting up a legitimate show in 3 weeks. Prior to that, they had recorded a show in Jacuzzi Pete's minivan just a few weeks prior (which was pretty hilarious). Although I would have loved if they kept the show on, I understand that it was a business decision. I just hope for a speedy return to the Internet airwaves, in a more consistent iteration. Many fans are hoping for Earwolf, home to the "Comedy Death-Ray Radio" show, and "How Did This Get Made?" with Paul Sheer, a show where they analyze bad movies.

Thanks for reading, new post on Thursday!